Category: Let's talk
hi its julia;
if you have read my first post here it is called friends please. i know i come as sounding needy and begging but i am not used to getting a friend keeping a friend or my least favorite part the betrayal.
i know not every friend is going to drop you like your diseased but thats what happened to me my so called friends dissed me when i became blind and got ms.
so my friendship skills are a little rusty and unused i mean after five years i don't know how to act around other people anymore. i come off as cool and noraml but life isn't that easy.
so my question to you is how to get over this betrayal and make friends again. i am scared of being hurt again and although i am lonely i can't shake off the fear.
whats your advice?
My advice is realize that it is there problem they left you. You're better than they are. People are just ass holes sometimes.
Margorp is right, but I know it sounds cliche. Maybe try to make friends you have more in common with? Either hobbies, like books and/or movies, music, a love of writing, that kind of thing. And, sad as this is, it may be easier for you to make friends with other blind people, since in that way, the blindness isn't an issue. I'm not saying all your friends have to be blind. I have quite a few sighted friends. But I do admit it's easier making blind ones, because you don't have to get past all the educating.
thanks you guys
I think if the main issue is that people ran away because you are blind, yeah, making blind friends is a good idea if you find some you feel a connection to. If anything, they can introduce you to sighted people they know who get it, that is, who are comfy with blindness and blind people.
However, I must also say this as regards fear and pain. If you want to avoid pain in your life at all costs, keep being afraid and never take risks in life. You can't completely avoid hurting in life, but the other side of that is that everybody experiences pain so you can find others who empathize if you end up being hurt. However, do not approach every new friendship or relationship expecting you will be hurt.
just fucking get over it already! stop being pathetic! that's the best way to get over it just to get over it. Keep in mind that jack isn't jill and tom isn't sally and sally isn't anne. no one is similar. If you don't get over it nothing will be done. I can say this, I've gone through many friend betrayals and have many stories, not going to tell them here because I consider it private. but I've gone through a lot, all of them very painful, and discouraging, I pick myself up and say fuck it, I have to go on no matter what. I can't just stay here in this state. when I came to university I had no friends, still no friends at home really because the friends there all ditched me. before I came up north for school. I could have cchosen to hide and not move on and let this be an obstacle. but I could have developed depression I noticed that. I started to meet people get to know others tagged along with some and some became my good friends. I just said these people are not the same people as I knew before, they are different, so why should I assume they will do exactly the same to me, and might miss out? and I am the better for just getting over it. I have friends now I am not depressed, and I love being me and my life. just grow some skin and fucking get over it.
I agree with Dagne here. I, too, went threw times where I didn't have friends, was depressed, and generally had a poor attitude about life. But, once I decided that I was not going to let what happened in the past hold me back anymore everything changed. Now I have a good life, good friends and am much more confident in myself.
So, start having a positive attitude because no one wants to be around anyone who's constantly whining about how much their life sucks and that they don't have friends etc.
also you need to have confidence in yourself because if you don't people will use and take advantage of you.
Just go out, get involved in a sport or activity you like, and be yourself. Be confident and have a positive attitude and your life will most likely change for the better.
Talking your feelings through with a professional counselor and joining a support group for people in your situation might help you overcome the anxiety you have regarding establishing friendship with new people. as other posters have said here and on other threads, it's all in how you carry yourself. The ... um ... getting over it part will come with time the more you get out there and interact with others.
okay
homes and tech.
here is some free advice
if you don't like my post
then don't post a response.
its that simple.
oh by the way go piss on each other.
Uh ... that last bit won't help you. People are going to be blunt, it's part of life. you've just opened yourself up to a whole bunch of ... Here comes the flaming ... Hit the deck!
Ok Jewel I'm going to take your advice since you're acting like a whiny spoiled little girl who can't handle the truth and put you on ignore. Doesn't seem like you have anything to say that I'm interested in anyway.
I wasn't being mean or calling you names. You asked for some advice, and I gave you some. take it or leave it. But I guarantee you you're not going to make any friends on here or anywhere else behaving like that.
Grow the hell up! Stop acting like a 2 year old!
go ahead have fun
peace
Oh please, don't let this be another special person who has to cry and whine about everything. Can't people just grow up these days?
okay;
if you don't like my post stop posting
and another thing i am going to ignore you now see ya
Jewel, some friendly advice for you:
1. Nobody here said they didn't like your posts. They are posting their opinion, which happens to oppose you. There are varying degrees of bluntness, and yes, harshness on formes like this, but believe me, they all exist. it's unavoidable.
2. Safe haven is a great place to have a friendly discussion without the harshness. that doesn't mean everyone will agree, but you will at least avoid the curses and all that.
I don't care if you ignore me. I'm usually a nice guy around here, but I can't help but get upset at those who just want to feel sorry for themselves and not take any advice. If you want advice, then be prepared for people who are going to be honest with you. If you can't take the advice, then why even post these boards in the first place? Please, grow up, not only for the sake of us, but also for the sake of yourself.
Ocean Dream, well said on both points. To be fare, I don't see how the author of this topic was whining. We've all tried to reach out. Perhaps the one's who say to grow up need to take there own advice. Okay, I'm done.
Exactly. Original poster is not perfect, but I think some of what was said to her could have been put more constructively. But Jewel, this is the Zone, and when you make yourself vulnerable as you are, there are many who will not respect that. Put something like this on a public forum, and your bound to get responses ranging from friendly to flaming, as you already have.
Quite true. It is a damn shame but that's life.
It's actually productive to experience every extreme from those who would bend over backwards for you to those who outright hate you for no reason other than appearing needy. neither extreme is healthy, but you can use it as a learning experience. You can use those kinds of responses and figure out which are more balanced, or in the middle, and make your friendship choices from there. Having said that, friendship isn't as cut and dry as all that. You've got to go out on a limb sometimes, and sometimes you have to get hurt, it's a fact of life. I, too, am not someone who opens up easily. Some of that is due to past experiences, some of it is due to a reluctance to talk to people online for a variety of reasons, and some of it is just my personality type. I tend to be analytical and cautious, sometimes overly so. But what I've found is that for the most part, I make friends when I'm not actively looking for them. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it works for me. then, I have to follow my instincts. I trust them above all else. Sometimes I feel like I have ESP or something, because upon first meeting someone, I get a feeling about whether or not they're going to be a good friend to have. I can't really explain it, but when I've ignored that inner voice, bad things have happened.
I'm not interested in adding to the drama, but though some who oppose your oppinion, julia, have opposed it more harshly than you'd like, they could be right. I'll just ad this:
Each of us has chapters we have to live through in life. Several chapters make up a life, and each end of one chapter as well as the beginning of the next is marked by a major event. Losing sight is one of them. Some life-changing events are joyous, some are outright sad; All are bittersweet in the end. Because with each chapter come new friends, a new lifestyle, a new outcome. Some friends carry over from previous life chapters, most don't. You might find lifelong true friends in this new chapter of your life, the one marked by your blindness. You never know. There's no reason to be suspicious of everyone you meet just because people in yoru past have done you wrong. Give it a shot. If you don't, you're wea, unsatisfied, and alone. If you do, your strong, you develop the tough skin ti takes to live through life; You might fail which might teach you to be stronger, or you might gain what you're looking for and be happy. Your choice. You've already taken a step by reaching out to people on here.
first of all i want to support dagny technology and ilumenation for their post. most constructive ones. second fuck cancilers. there is no cure for depression no such thing as depression. you make the choices of how you feel and what you are going to do about it. so stop making this fucking post all pretty and lets put some reality in here people. no need to hold someone's hand to get them ready for the real world. anyways i am sure all of you read enough posts with the same words. laters.
OMG are some people serious! Jewell, having obviously being new to blindness, was asking a perfectly sensible question but as per usual, some idiots ahve to ruin it for everybody.
Rachel, that post of yours was not necessary at all; sure, you don't agree with what she wrote, but cursing like that isn't going to get you anywhere at all. No-one will take your opinion seriously if you can't control your tongue, so to speak.
Jewell, I'm sorry you've had such stupid and heartless responces here. This is the zone; the more populated it's become, the more hostile everything is.
But I agree with some of the suggestions that were made here. Best of luck!
There's no such thing as depression? Wow. Try doing some research before spouting off ignorant comments like that. Sure, some people use it as an excuse, but that's no reason to deny its existence completely. Frankly, that doesn't speak too well of you, Vampire.
Well, if this is life and just has to be put up with, wow, his is cool! This means I can just turn troll one day and go completely off on all of you and nobody will raise a finger in protest because, well, it's just life, even if they're the victim. What fun I'm going to have!
Thank you for protecting me and my bad and anti-social behavior. It's just life, after all, and no matter what anyone does, it will just never never never never never never change, at all, forever, until the end of time. Isn't that right?
No such thing as depression? That's such an ignorant comment it's not even funny.I just can't believe I'm seeing this much ignorance in some people. The point I was getting at in my post is that, while some may have depression, some people use that to make excuses about everything, and I've dealt with too many people like that. I do sympathize with those who have depression, but there's a point where I have to draw the line as well. That being said, I apologize if I came across as a hostile person. I truly hope that you'll find some friends on here.
Vampire, thank you for that post. You've provided the perfect foundation for me to discuss who needs a firm and honest lecture, and who just needs their ass beat for the bullshit they spout. You, sir, are one of the latter. The OP, in my opinion, is the former. If you're going to go so far as to say that depression doesn't exist, you need to provide links to psychological studies and other such info that proves that depression is all in one's head. Your opinion may still be highly disagreed with, but at least you'll come off as something more than just an ignorant prick. It's the people like you who make genuine cases of depression even worse. I hope you're pleased with yourself. You'll need it.
I do not agree with rachel's spoken language towards this post. that was a bit unnecessary but it is true. no I am not saying jewel you should only make blind friends just because your sighties ran away. not all sighties will associate with you, its your job to make the first move. my sighty friends hang out with me for my personality. its all on you to make friends. also I do believe there is many forms of feelings as well as depression. but I do agree that people can make themselves feel what they want to feel. instead of moping about my stupid family problems all day, I choose to make myself smile including others around me.
Wow, I hate when people speak out of their asses and do not have any evidence to support their argument. yes, I'm talking about that vampire kid. First of all depression exists and yes, it can be overcome or at least improved. Do research kid or go out there and get educated.
Secondly, it is obvious that the poster is dealing with something that most of us are used to at this point in our livs. However, that doesn't give the right to tell others to just get over it. Yes it's hard and it is annoying to hear others wine and complain about life issues, but let's be serious here, we all do that at some point in our lives.
Okay vampire that was a really stupid thing for you to say. It makes me sad to see such unapologetic ignorance.
thanks you guys for your advice . and to the vampire kid please read a book
But that would mean he'd learn something. I have a feeling he'd like to remain ignorant. Poor fool.
I do not think it is fair to call one ignorant. we do have different views do we not? I do disagree that depression doesn't exist for it does. but depression is what you make of it.
I think it's absolutely fair to call this person ignorant, because I don't think he has one clue as to what the hell he's talking about as far as depression. Sure, depression is what you make of it, but to say that it's nonexistent is such an ignorant statement to make.
Exactly.
yes it is something that is set aside in the pile of ignorance. but does that make the man totally ignorant? does all his views not count since that one is such an odd ball? if we should get technical then does this make everyone in this world ignorant? since you and I can not deny we have not said one thing that was thrown into the pile of ignorance. is my views ignorant? and if so, does this make me an ignorant person?
the original poster created this topic to ask for advice on how to make friends not to ask whether depression exists or not
so to get back on topic I gave her advice based on my own life experiences and she told me to piss off
I don't appreciate that especially since I wasn't being rude or calling her names.
So from my perspective she doesn't really want honest advice she just wants to complain about how bad her life is. Rather than having a mature adult discussion here she responded to the advice she was given in a very childish manner
so I have little sympathy for her at this point. Maybe she'll listen to what others have said, maybe she won't. but life is what you make it no matter what's thrown your way.
He is ignorant about that subject. Honestly, I think you know what we meant.
I did not, but if I did I would not have ranted on like I did. on the other hand the piss off comment was rude yes i do agree, so if the advice is taken then great. if not its fine it isn't my life. but she is right on that note, this post was on making friends not depression, so in saying this I do appoligize.
well i do have proof on what i said. but i won't spend your time on something no one will take me serious on. but that is alright. keep calling me names and accusing me of things. i am just glad that i can speak my mind with you guys. again sorry if i am different and sorry if i am too blunt for most. anyways i have said my part.
So you didn't know what we meant when we said that he was ignorant because of that statement he made about depression? That's rather awkward.
Show me proof and I won't call you names.
okay tech user sorry for that comment . i do want your honest opnion but not all of us are like you we can't pick yourselves up and dust off the problems.
but i am sorry i was rude.
There is nothing wrong with saying a person is ignorant. We're all ignorant of many things. I'm ignorant about things like sports or gardening or ballet, for example, there is nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong on my part would be for me to spout some unfounded opinion based on vague impressions of sports, gardening or ballet and act as if I knew what I was talking about. That kind of behavior would deserve a good run through the wringer for being an ass.
I am disgusted jule, you also owe me an appology. I also just told you the fucking truth and you basically told me to bugger off, and I don't appreciate that! it's very rude, disrespectfu, and not to mention just fucking idiotical. I do not apreciate your shitty attitude towards myself or anyone around here.
assad, I will grant you that a lot of depression cases are made to get attention. And, to whine and complain, but I do know some people who do genuinley have depression, and, being a psych major for a bit, I do know it actually exist. I'd probably question the diagnoses but those people who actually have it and don't use it for attention really do have it.
so wait, some of you are saying that it's okay to whine and complain and act like a loser everytime a new tough situation comes up? Hang, on! that's great news! I go through a lot of that stuff, so, I am so happy because now I can whine and scream, and complain, and be a loser all day and be excepted! Not!
Mostly for Jule, but for everyone else too who buys this complaining whining bullshit! I'll just say, I am at a university, and a very tough private one too. I am now a second year. Sorry, but if I acted like jule the first poster here, guess what? I've never gotten here and I'd never be me today. I am having a lot of difficulties right now, and again, I am not going to discuss that in the very open internet on a very public forum with everyone, and anyone, and for all eyes to see. That's my own private business, and only people I know gets to know. but do I just sit here and complain all day and whine, and let people know I am miserable? No! if I did that, I would get absolutely nothing done, and I would have no education and also be unable to cope with college. I can sit here and bitch all day like the bitch seems to like to do bitching all day long and feel sorry for herself. but helll, I am not going to fucking do that. I've gone through many difficult times, for many years I had virtually had no friends, and have been very alone. I got through them not by being a fucker and complaining, no, I just said whatever I need to move on and just let this shit be shit, and just say goodbye to it and find ways out of this crap and deal with it, grow some tough skin and move on. So, I did just that. And, I've come out the better one. As I said, I am now in college, studying for a degree and hope to come out and work!
it's really your choice, jule, to bitch or to just move on, make friends and have a positive outlook. If you can say fuck this shit, my life is good, I can get through this, then you're good. If you keep bitching well, that's your problem, I gave you the key.
and, I am responding to your post and not buggering off as you suggest because I care and it hurts me for you to say to bugger off and if you don't like my post just leave. Get a different attitude, put on a smile, pick yourself up and lets go!
Vampire, you have once again demonstrated your ignorance. Good job taking the chicken shit way out, by saying that you know everything but refuse to tell. That just made you look worse.
okay i was wrong i should have apoligized to you to homes.
i am really sorry.
i shouldn't have said to piss off .
that was really rude to you
since my post is inciting thing all this is there anyway i could delete or is it there forever .
no..., let's just say this. I am willing to start fresh, as long as you will promise me, to stop whining, acting helpless, begging and pandering for sympathy. I won't say, I would be friends with you, but is willing to talk to you as accquaintance. how does that sound?
okay that suits me
feel free to quicknote, then. I'll around.
I for one, would simply love to see this so-called proof of yours, Vampire, sir. Come now, do post! We are all waiting with bated breath for thy infinite, scientifically proven wisdom. *rolls eyes*
For you to say you have proof, only to follow it up by saying you're not going to waste our time, is proof that you are, indeed, wasting our time. But since you already have, might as well make something useful of it.
okay. sorry i did not answer earlier. but anyways here we go. read a book called power verses force by doctor david R. hawkins. hope you guys can understand it.
silly vampire kid. You were fooled. There are no such things as doctors. hahahahaha! Seriously, stop wasting are time.
thanks for proving i am right for not bothering to look him up. who is the chicken shit now?
Hurts to get a taste of your own medicine, doesn't it?
I happen to know depression is real. Why? I've had it, that's why. Believe me I wasn't just sitting around wining. I overcame it, yes, but I still had it.
Same here. I've been there, too, and while the choice was all mine not to whine about it and do something productive, the fact that I had it wasn't my fault. Oh, and I'll gladly look up this guy and post back with what I think of him.
I went through situational depression myself after the loss of my first Guide Dog to an extremely rare form of cancer which has been linked to adolescent boys. He had to return to the school to live out the rest of his life, wihch turned out to be three months from the last time someone told him, "Come," and he left my house. Those months were some of the worst in my life. I know the illness was not my fault, but I still felt responsible, and there was no way I could explain what was happening to him. dogs don't understand that.
Unless you've gone through it, vampire ... um ... whoever you are, you really shouldn't comment on the existence of depression. Books can only tell you so much. Maybe you'll change your mind when you have been so down and out you don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning, but you know you have to because of schoolwork, when you're so tired you can't get enough sleep just to function. Don't even get me started on the loss of appetite, isolation, feeling like i'd lost part of my arm every time I left the house ... Shit, I didn't even want to be around myself, if that makes any sense. As others have said, depression is real. The medications can sometimes be the scary part of recovery, but I took what was prescribed, talked to a psychologist, overcame my depression, and am doing just fine four years later.
To the original poster, I think we've given you all the advice we can, it's up to you to help yourself. You're an adult, and it's your choice to take what we've offered, (good or bad), and do what you can to improve your life.
Well said, Reyami.
Even if depression was really all in one's head, what they need is support, guidance, and yes, perhaps some tough love to get them back on the right path. if all that is hopeless, then just leave them alone. what they don't need is for someone to tell them they're the problem. No, you didn't say those words, but you may as well have. I honestly think depression is over diagnosed these days, to give psychologists an excuse to charge for more therapy, and for doctors to prescribe more medication. But that's just my opinion, as is your statement about it not existing. I can appreciate the fact that you actually found a source, but your view is still just an opinion.
Jewel, there is nothing quite so liberating as getting out there on your own, and conquering this complicated thing we like to call life. Friends are important, yes, but it's much better to fly solo than to have someone needlessly weighing you down. whether you're reaching out to people, or letting them reach out to you, don't settle for anything less.
a taiste of my own? hm. i don't see how it was. but anyways all that aside i have been there. in fact i have tried to comit suicide twice. but again its about perspective if you let depression exist or not. i just think that depending on others for your happiness is a little wrong. i don't think you should rely friends or others on your happiness. but again my view on it. and i was not letting on that i had the answer to anything. i am just stating my belief that it does not exist. anyways keep posting at least it gives me something to do on here and not just look at profiles. hahahahah.
Fucking idiot.
Reyami, I'm sorry to hear about what you had to go through with your dog. I'm glad you came through it but, wow, that had to really hurt.
Ocean, as always, nice post.
So vampire, I apologize for calling you ignorant. You are, instead, an ass hole.
He's both.
yeah, there's a such thing as an ignorant asshole, you know.
Quite true.
See, this is what pisses me off about people who claim to have "gone through" depression, and now they're "cured." Notice the quotes around the important points there. They think they're better than everyone.
that depends how you define "cure". I think it can be successfully managed/controled to the point you can live a normal, productive life with little interpherence. can it be completely cured? as in, no more medication; no more therapy; no more keeping your feelings in check? that honestly depends on the cause. But in many cases, I'd say no.
I know what you mean. What I was referring to though is these arrogant people who now think they have all the answers just because they say they've been through it. But I do agree about a complete cure being elusive in a lot of situations. In a lot of ways, although I hate to draw this comparison because I honestly hate the fact that some mental illnesses are considered as disabilities, that's exactly how one can live their life with depression. Being blind presents some challenges for you to overcome, as does living with depression or any other mental illness. A lot of it is your attitude towards how you deal with it, but some of it is beyond your control, like the genetic or chemical link to depression or the long waits out in the pouring rain for a bus because you can't drive and you have no other way home.
Vampire, that is absolute bull shit.
I, too, have gone through depression, and I will admit it. Saying that it doesn't exist then saying you've experienced it does not make sense. You still seem to be in some sort of denial, and I think you should either a, get more counseling, or b, do some more research.
Unfortunately, we all probably experience depression/anxiety at some point in our lives due to situations beyond our control. Yes I've been through it, but I certainly don't claim to know all the answers; everyone's situation is different. I realize what's worked for me may not work for everyone else. I was just giving advice based on my own life experiences; I apologize if I sounded arrogant.
I don't know Jewel. I have never spoken to her. But what I will say in response to this topic is, RD, thank you for Post 23. We could all take a lesson from it.
Here's the thing. Depression will always be there. Getting it under control doesn't mean it's gone. And to the person who said that the person should eethether A, get counseling, or B, do some more research, you forgot one. C, stop running your mouth like a fuckin' idiot.
Oh, and another thing. I don't care how good the book is, or if the book is a thousand pages long. One book is not enough to bash all the research that has gone in to anxiety and depression. Unless there is more than that, I am not convinced.
I will never be convinced. The countless number of books highlighting depression trump the one book that snickers at it.
Good point. And, just to clarify something, only the vampire douchebag was being arrogant in this topic. I was referring to people I know personally who have reacted as he has in this topic. It seems that a lot of people, certainly not all, view the fact that they went through depression as some kind of license to be arrogant and flippant about it.
I do appoligize for not posting a response to the point of this topic, so here goes.
I had trouble making friends for most of my time in school. I've found overtime that a lot of it had to do with me. I was quiet and didn't speak to anyone unless I was spoken to. You need to consider that making a friendship is a two way street, and both persons have to make an effort. If you are not meant to be friends with a certain person, that's just how it is. Move on and try again.
I've also found that for me personally, I only have a few people who I can call close friends. Three, two, or even only one close friends is all you need. So keep trying.
Indeed. I have a handful of people I talk to and only a couple I am really close with. I've also lost friends along the way; that's the way it goes.
i never said i wanted to commit suicide do to depression. many things can lead to suicide.
Such as?
Hmmmmm. So whaat happened to this claim you made before then?
a taiste of my own? hm. i don't see how it was. but anyways all that aside i have been there. in fact i have tried to comit suicide twice. but again its about perspective if you let depression exist or not. i just think that depending on others for your happiness is a little wrong. i don't think you should rely friends or others on your happiness. but again my view on it. and i was not letting on that i had the answer to anything. i am just stating my belief
So what other ways are there that lead to committing suicide, aside from depression? Last time I checked, the reason why people commit suicide is because they were depressed about something. Any objections?
Well, the only other reason I can think of is to get attention. Maybe that's what this dude is doing. It seems more and more like that to me, anyway, and that seriously pisses me off. It makes those of us who have thought of it, or attempted it, for what seemed like legitimate reasons at the time, look bad.
Painful incurable illness?
anyone else see the irony here?
This conversation makes me sad. Think I'll...no I can't do it. I can't even joke about something I, and many others have thought of. Vampire kid, go off and play in the street. Wow that felt good to say.
oh yeah i had forgotten about answering this. well good example hilter killed himself. who thinks other wise is kidding themselves. and he did not do it out of depression.
Right, he was just a coward and an asshole, so great argument there.
Right, so keep going.
Hilter? Who is this Hilter you speak of? Perhaps you meant Hitler? You fuckin' douchebag.
I never knew a Hilter either. Is he a guy who's ignorant and sits there with his hot cheetoes making ignorant comments like the ones you're making?
You suck at debating. I'd just give up and never come back to this topic again if I were you. You've humilliated yourself enough.
Don't talk to Hilter that way! lol.
He'll get angry and flick his mustache hairs at you.
And he will spout off ignorant bullshit.